A Helpful Approach to Competition

Over the last few years I have heard runners say things like, “I just want to run and improve, but I don’t want to be competitive.” Or they’ll say, “I used to be competitive, but now I just want to focus on having fun.” I understood what they were saying. They didn’t want to get too serious, but I recently have started to question them. What does competition mean to you? Why does competition have to be a bad thing? As a competitive high school and college athlete the University of Texas, I struggled quite a bit with the idea of competition. In my later years of high school I would win lots of my races, and occasionally I would come in 2nd. Some people would say I was a PRETTY BIG DEAL! (JK). I was really good though. I started most races with a focus to run to my ability and express strength and joy throughout the race. I was competitive with the other runners, but I wanted them to succeed as well. My thought at the time was that we all can elevate each other as we push to our limits (and sometimes beyond) together. Yes, each race would have a winner (and I wanted to win), but my goal deep down was for all of us to run to our capabilities.

When I got to college, all of a sudden I wasn’t winning every race. I wasn’t even coming close. It totally discouraged me. Just a year ago as a senior in high-school, I was the fastest returning miler in the country. Yes, #1 fastest miler out of all high school kids in the US. I was really good, and had high expectations going into college. I had full rides to tons of D1 schools all around the country. After receiving a scholarship to the University of Texas to run track and XC, I put a lot of pressure on myself. This affected my races quite negatively. Every race left me feeling defeated, overwhelmed, and just bad. The races were longer and faster than high school, and I wasn’t keeping up! Each one felt like the end of the world. I started only seeing only the negative things and I lost my focus and intention for training and racing. I doubted myself and my abilities. Would I lose my scholarship? Why was I sucking so bad? My family could have likely afforded to send me to UT even without a scholarship, so why did that matter? It wasn’t about the money, it was just about trying not to fail. In my mind I was failing. All of a sudden I didn’t like competition. I was worried about losing each workout or race. I felt like shit. Instead of focusing on potential and opportunity my outlook was bleak, and it caused me significant stress. While I had a few really good seasons at UT, this mentality stuck with me until my junior year. I refocused and dropped anything that was a distraction (girls). However staying away from girls proved to be impossible and after I got serious with another girl my senior year my training and races slowed down. It wasn’t the girl’s fault, but I lacked the correct motivation. This lasted even into my post collegiate running career. I was afraid to step on the line because losing meant that I wasn’t the man I thought I was. I was wrapped up in how others might perceive me and how I perceived myself. I had no compassion for myself and no compass to see things objectively. “If I didn’t qualify for Nationals or the Olympic trials then I wasn’t a real runner,” I would think. It is nearly impossible to enjoy running (or just about anything) if you are going at it from this perspective. If I don’t run ____, then that means _____. I’ve listened to many inspirational speeches, and that doesn’t sound like any that I have ever heard.

I have had a goal to qualify for the marathon olympic trials. This has been a goal for nearly 10 years. At first it was a goal, because I thought it was something I should be able to do. I didn’t even really care, but I just needed something to validate myself as a badass. I noticed that I wasn’t really getting any closer with this mindset. Over the last few years I have worked to shift my perspective. Any while this is still a goal for me (I need to shave off 2 minutes from my marathon PR), I have found joy in chasing it. Here are the few things I have done to change my perspective. (note that this has taken time to change, and is a work in progress)

1) Intention - What I mean here is my intention changed from worrying about losing to more of a “Let’s see what’s in store for today.” I start a race with gratitude for being out there, for the other runners, for the ability to train, and for things like the course, the weather etc. When I set a goal for the day, I have a general range, but I also give myself space. My last trail race, I spent the first 10 miles focusing on enjoying the view, the runners around me, making conversation, and progressing my effort throughout the race.

2) Use goals as a realistic but challenging guide. Not a finish point. I used to have the perspective of, “Once I run ____ time, or win ____ race, then that will mean _____.” The belief was that once I reached a certain state in my training or qualified for a certain race that I would feel happy/successful. This is a myth with goals. All goals bring temporary gratification. Once you achieve it, you have temporary happiness, and then that fades. Sometimes then sadness or feeling lost sets in. Then we hurry and sign up for another race to chase that post race high. “What now? I thought that would fill my void, but I am still wanting more,” you might say. Goals are tools, but not necessarily end points. I still have challenging goals, but I also know that I love training. I love getting out in the nitty gritty shitty weather and grinding out a hard workout. I love pushing myself. I get just as excited about training as I do any race. I enjoy the routine. My races aren’t as stressful either. I see them as an opportunity to see my fitness level and push myself. Each race is never an end point.

If you are someone who tells yourself that you just aren’t a competitive person, I would argue that there is more to that story! I would encourage you to take a look at how you are defining your goals and how you view yourself. There is no right or wrong, but what does success mean for you? What does it look like? Is it based on someone else’s results? Is it positive or negative? My belief is that success needs to be based on something positive. Instead of avoiding something bad from happening, make your goal to make something good happen. For example, Instead of saying your goal is not to run as slow as the last race or not to get beat by so and so, I would say your goal should be to improve 10 seconds on your last race. I tend to avoid goals that can be affected by someone else.

Competition is the same whether you are competing with yourself or with others. It’s ok if someone else runs faster or longer than you. Unless you are the #1 runner in the world then someone will be faster than you. Use other runners to motivate and inspire you, not cast doubt on yourself. If your buddy runs faster than your PR, try to feel encouraged by that. His time doesn’t mean you are less. Perhaps you have more in you as well. This goes both ways. If your buddy has a shitty race, then that doesn’t save your face as a better runner. Its easy to feel better about yourself when you see others fail, but that doesn’t do anyone a lick of good. That keeps everyone on a low point. On the way to lift up yourself try to do the same to those around you. We will have a better experience as runners and humans if we can do this. Competition breeds goodness!

Remember that making changes towards deeply rooted patterns take work and time. You won’t change it all over night. Give yourself space to have setbacks, and treat yourself just as you would treat your best friend. Keep the bigger picture in perspective and recognize the small victories. Remember that you are always growing and improving.