Running a Race & The Battle in Your Mind
We’re all at war. Many of us probably think it’s a fight against each other but the battle is within ourselves.
Every thought that passes through your mind doesn’t come from you, isn’t necessarily true, and can be released instead of entertained. Some studies suggest we process 6,000 thoughts while others say up to 80,000 thoughts per day. This is just our mind thinking. However, over time, we can begin to attach to certain thoughts, we start to believe them, let fear and worry take hold and then we’re not living anymore. We become paralyzed.
Photo by Lise Plantier Run for the Water 2022
We experience this in running just as we do in life. Some of you may choose not to compete because you don’t want to face it. Others may race obsessively to capture the “high” you experience (just a side note - you don’t have to race to experience a runner’s high). I ran the Run for the Water 10 miler race this last weekend as a prep race for the California International Marathon in Sacramento in December. During the warm up I had a ton of thoughts. “What if I win? What if I suck? What if I have a heart attack during the race? What if I don’t have what it takes? If I run really well, then what does that say about me? If I run like shit, what does that say about me? Am I in the shape I hoped to be in? My legs are tired today. My warm up pace is so slow, how can I even think to run fast? Why am I even still trying to compete?” Those thoughts and more were floating through my mind. Sometimes I’d entertain them. Sometimes I ignore them. However I have found some success by a response with a thought that is simple and present. I may respond by saying, “Erik, you are strong, you are a warrior, you enjoy a challenge, thoughts are just thoughts and aren’t attached to me, all I need to do is run and express joy and strength.”
Within the first mile I was feeling a bit more tired than I thought I would be. I saw a familiar face, Jeff, come up next to me (we had raced together last year). I hadn’t seen him since last year’s race, but we chatted off and on (as much as I could at 5 min/mile pace. I started talking less and around mile 3 I realized I was going to need to dial back my effort. Jeff waved for me to move on up with him just as I was fading back. I wanted to tell him to go on without me, but I tried to stay connected….eventually falling back. A bunch of the Trail Roots runners were out doing their long run and I got to see them run by and cheer me on. It was great to see them, but I felt like a turd and ashamed as I only want to be seen when I am feeling strong! As soon as I hit the big hill climb I began to get a stomach cramp. I couldn’t breathe. I thought my stomach muscles were going to tear apart. Then the 5th place runner blazed past by me like I was standing still. This is where the thoughts flooded in. “Erik, you’re falling back! Stay with him I think. Don’t give up! You are a UT All-American for God’s sake! You may as well just start walking. Maybe I can just quit and have Jacque pick me up.” I respond with some patient and gentle thoughts as well. “Hang in there through the hills. You got this. You’ve been putting in a lot of work recently and you knew you would come into the race tired. CIM is the goal, today is practice. All we are doing today is working hard. After the hills you can settle in and find a rhythm.”
I struggled for about 3-4 miles mid race, but didn’t fall off the wagon. I saw an old friend Steve Sisson as I climbed up the last hill and gave him a high five. He asked how I was doing and I replied “I was struggling a bit, but starting to find my pace again.” He said, “Well that’s what it’s all about!” Then ran up on Jacque and Wyatt. I gave a high five to Wyatt and grabbed a gel from Jacque. I passed it up at mile 3 because i was feeling blah. I reminded myself that I needed to get at least one practice race gel in to prep for CIM. I almost gagged, but choked down about half of it. Then it was back to work. I started settling in mentally and physically my body responded. I kept working on focusing on the runner up ahead, pushing, and improving. I also throw in some gratitude such as “I’m so grateful to be training and racing hard right now. What a great opportunity.”
I finished strong and while I didn’t catch anyone in the last few miles, I didn’t let go and coast it in either. I was out there to run the entire race and work through the challenges that presented themselves. That is what practice is about. Sure I wish I had finished a little faster or further up, but I also learned to fight again. We often remember our best or fastest races months or years later as though we just glided through them without any struggle or challenge. That’s not usually the case. Maybe sometimes, but running really hard or far or out of your comfort zone will require you to fight a battle in your mind. I do believe the more we do this the stronger our armor becomes. The thoughts are still present, but we may more quickly identify them and just as quickly as they came into consciousness we leave them in the dust.
Remember that just because the race is done, does not mean the battle is over! Thoughts will continue to flood in. “That was a solid effort, you should’ve stuck with him, you’re still improving really well, you were slower than last year so you’re failing.” I often have to remind myself that I love challenging myself. I love to train. I love to fight that battle! Everything good in my life has come with work. So keep at it!
Don’t think that success means “easy street.” I think life is truly lived in those moments of struggle and challenge. This is when we learn who we are. This is when we find fulfillment and value. The belief that we want a life that is safe, easy, secure, etc isn’t wrong, but it’s not the entire life we need. When you step on the line at your next race remember that you will be fighting a mental battle just as much as you are a physical one. Prepare your thoughts ahead of time. Let go of the thoughts that are not stemming from the present, rooted in unnecessary fear, anxiety, doubt, and self deprecation. You are capable and have the tools to fight!